I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
