Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
