If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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