Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
