And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
