well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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