So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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