she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
