somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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