he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
