Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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