The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My hand turned me down
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize