I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so let's talk penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
