now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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