My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
