If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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