I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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