I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
