My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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