Dual....:-)
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
