i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
