I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Come on in and take your pants off
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