I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
