you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
