I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
