i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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