is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
