I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
