can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
