There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
