I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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