Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
