Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
