need another drink. this is the easiest way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
