Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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