God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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