My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
