When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
