I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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