Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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