What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
