WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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