"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
