I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
