SEEEEXXX PLEASE
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
