I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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