it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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