It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
