So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
