Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
