I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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