the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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