Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
