Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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