he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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