Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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