So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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