She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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