I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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