dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
