So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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