he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
