May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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