I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
