i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
