The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
