"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
