put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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