youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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