God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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