I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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