Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
