Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
