Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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