I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
