I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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