Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
