he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
